Old Man Word 88: Fuss

Let’s say you go visit a friend.  Your friend is obliged to ask if you “need anything.”   You are required to say, “don’t worry about it” or — if you’re old — “don’t make a fuss.”  Politeness dictates your friend say something like “it’s no problem.”  Now you are free to ask for a beverage or light snack provided it is neither expensive nor time-consuming; like a beer or a Jack and Coke.  Asking for a blended strawberry margarita with Patron?  No.  That is expensive and time-consuming to make (in addition to massively vaginal).

This is the “Fuss Code of Honor.”

Old people don’t get this.  Or, if they do get it, they have no compunction about violating it.  To the cooters the “fuss-response” is carte-blanche for them to demand you perform whatever menial/disgusting task they need done.  In their mind the “it’s no bother” response is blanket amnesty.  Here’s an example:

Grandson:  Grandma, do you need anything?

Grandma:  Oh don’t make a fuss about me, I’m fine.

G’son:  No really, it’s not a problem. What would you like?

G’ma:  I’ll take a ham-salad sandwich and a butt-wipe.  I just soiled myself.

See that, a total violation of the Fuss Code of Honor.  And now, because you’re polite, and because you’ve already proclaimed that whatever they want is “not a problem,” you’re stuck grinding ham and wiping Grandma’s butt.

They’re rude bastards.  No doubt about it.

Fuss. n.

1. needless activity and worry
2. old person pleasantry indicating their intention to ask you to waste your afternoon performing revolting tasks that will scar you psychologically.

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